COMEDY: What if Wrestling and Football crossed paths?

So, being a wrestling fan, the biggest angle at the moment is CM Punk’s departure from WWE with the WWE Championship, and the big story at Arsenal is similar, Samir Nasri wanting to leave Arsenal. So for a change from partially serious journalism, what would happen if Samir Nasri became CM Punk.

So initially, Nasri cuts a promo on Arsenal, he calls players like Denilson and Almunia ass-kissers to Arsene Wenger, and that he believes maybe Arsenal will be better after Arsene’s death, but then explains how the team will probably be taken-over by his “doofus” protege Jose Mourinho. He says by the end of June he will leave with the Arsenal Captaincy, and maybe he’ll leave with it to “Barcelona or Manchester City”.

So straight away he’s suspended by Wenger, with the intention of letting him go, this is until Cesc Fabregas comes out and asks for one more match between Arsenal and Barcelona because the fans want to see it, if Arsenal lose Samir is captain and is allowed to leave. Wenger agrees, for the fans, but if Arsenal lose, Cesc will be sold to Tottenham!

Next week, Wenger and Samir have open contract negotiations, Samir wants his face on the crest, his own plane, and Arsenal ‘Ice-Cream’ Bars to be brought back. He also wants Wenger to apologise for not buying who he wants and selling players he feels the team needs. Cesc comes out to confront them both but Samir calls Cesc the player he hates, he’s become a Chelsea player, he’s no longer an underdog, he’s a dynasty, he’s become Chelsea.

Arsenal lose after dodgy refereeing, Samir puts on the captains armband and leaves through the Emirates Stadium crowd.

So yeah, this really wasn’t brilliant, I had to change from Fabregas to Nasri because Samir made more sense than Cesc.

Welcome to the Black (scarf) Parade

As the season slowly phases out for us Arsenal fans, the controversy doesn’t fade at all. To top it all off now some supporters are organising riots through the streets if Islington…well not quite. However, protests are being organised and as an Arsenal blogger I think its my job to speak as best as I can on this.

From what I can gather these protests are not Anti-Wenger or Anti-Kroenke, which hopefully means they will not be mis-interpreted in a press always ready to make a quick headline despite not knowing the facts. The main focal point of these protests are against the ticket price increase expected for the next season. Now fair enough, I think we are all rational enough to understand frustrations that fans have, no-one voluntarily wants to pay more for a season ticket, especially when they cost so much as it is. However, is it really that much that we need to have a protest about it? Organisations like the Arsenal Supporter’s Trust (AST) is probably the best place to go to voice concerns, a Trust that is listened to by the board.

Although I can justify why this protest may take place if it was for ticket prices, I don’t justify it because of some of their other messages. Firstly, the way that this protest has been made is too close to the ones at Manchester United and Liverpool with their American owners, I don’t want Arsenal to feel like a xenophobic club especially after the fuss made over the new owner Stan Kroenke, I know these protests are not towards any potential buyers of the clubs like at Manchester United with their Anti-Glazer protests or the Anti-Hicks and Anti-Gillett that were at Liverpool last year. However, its very easy for these protests to be misinterpreted as an Anti-America protest, its fair to say there are many ignorant members of the press, especially towards Arsenal. I also feel these protests are always futile, these fans still go to the games, I smirk at petty United fans who buy a green and gold scarf yet still fill Old Trafford thus paying the Glazers money. If they really cared enough they’d go support FC United of Manchester who said their fans would probably refuse to go to Old Trafford so the Glazers didn’t get any ticket money if they met them in this years FA Cup.

Also, there are some other messages I have read about wanting the kits changed to yellow and how they want kits to be released over a couple of years. However, I read on BBC Sport (apologies I couldn’t find the article when re-Googling it) that only Arsenal and Liverpool abide by a Barclays Premier League law where they keep home kits every two years and a change kit every year. The only times this rule has been broken is for 2006 and 2011 commemorative kits. It doesn’t help the protestors that they have also said they want the board to make more commercial revenue, yet ask that less kits be released. its a bit of a contradictory move. Also the colour of the kits is not an issue that needs to be raised by a fan protest, its something you ask at an AGM or ask through AST or Fanshare.

Their final point is some fans want Peter Hill-Wood our Chairman removed due to his criticism of fans in recent weeks. Now I don’t condone professionals criticising fans at any point, but one remark that fans who want our manager Arsene Wenger removed are “silly people” is not one that warrants him to be removed from his position as Chairman. Many fans agree with Hill-Wood that fans who don’t like Wenger are silly and we’re being very fickle to want him executed, we’ve all called members of that club far worse – haven’t we?

The one thing that gets me about this is the name of the group behind the protest “Where Has Our Arsenal Gone?” – as if to say that Arsenal has been stolen from the fans, its not like organisations like AST and their close work with the board and schemes like Arsenal Fanshare which were set-up only last year are around. Fans will always have a close relationship with how Arsenal is run, Stan Kroenke is a backseat owner from reports and his US sports teams have not been run differently under his ownership. I can only imagine a new scheme like Fanshare and relationships with AST will be secure for future generations. Overall, the name bothers me, its too blunt for a protest so shallow, its understandable that these people are angry at raised prices, but the name almost tries to generate more media coverage as if to say the board are running Arsenal incorrectly and are stealing it from the supporters instead of just uproar over paying more.

I withhold anybodies right to protest, however, a march through the streets to me should be a last resort, I doubt anyone with the responsibility of this group has contacted the board beforehand to raise issues and awareness for their issues. This seems like a knee-jerk reaction to a rise in prices that is needed to compete with the best who have their fortunes paid for by a rich ‘sugar daddy’ from a far away land. We complain that our cheap squad isn’t on the level as a Manchester United or Chelsea, two clubs bankrolled by wealthy owners like the Glazers and Roman Abramovich and then complain when the board try their best to increase revenue to compete without the need for a wealthy owner to steal the club away from the fans. Lets be frank, you have to be wealthy to support Arsenal today in this stadium, it would be a bitter pill to swallow if we were English Champions, but we’re not its a shame, but how many of you protestors will pair the extra money to see Arsenal?

I’ll leave you with a great closing paragraph from fellow blogger Le Grove:

“Globalisation of football is inevitable… if you want tradition, you’ll have to find another sport. For all the eulogizing about the game way back when… you did get what you paid for. Terracing was fun, but football violence wasn’t. Paying a tuppence for a ticket was value for money, seeing people throw bananas at black players was not. Knowing that you were likely to see your favourite players down the local after was nice… but seeing the power, pace and skill we have now is far more enjoyable.”

The painful end to a painful season.

A season should end at 38 games, but at 34 games this season (as for now) is certainly over. A 2-1 defeat to Bolton means that we are 9 points behind United with 12 points to play for.

So what happens now? Where do we go from here? Well here’s what I propose:

Firstly, we need to sell some players like Almunia, Eboue, Denilson, Rosicky etc. they’re not Arsenal players, and never will be. Secondly, we need to buy some new players that can keep leads or make the team change their style when Plan A doesn’t work. Me and a friend of mine agreed that we need to purchase: Mertesacker, Parker and Kevin Doyle.

Mertesacker is a proven defender who got the semi-finals in the most recent World Cup, he’s tall and would be the perfect partner to Thomas Vermaelen or Johan Djourou. People have asked for Gary Cahill but look at the FA Cup Semi-Final, he was murdered under pressure: like half the Arsenal defence.

Scott Parker is the Player of the Year and if West Ham stay up, its all down to him, at 4-0 to Arsenal I find myself more comfortable with him holding the midfield than Diaby. Also he’s that experienced head who has played in the Premiership all his life.

Kevin Doyle is an odd choice, however, according to Express & Star (the local Wolverhampton newspaper) we were in for him last Summer. Doyle is the work horse of the Wolves team and also an out and out goalscorer (who only scores less because he is in the Wolves team). Besides, even if we don’t get Doyle, Vela has shown he can poach goals.

But what do I know? I’m not our Lord and Master.

Big Game Sunday

Last time Arsenal won the league cup my parents were expecting a child and living in one of the roughest areas in the Wolverhampton, last time Arsenal won a trophy I was there and living in a not so bad part of Wolverhampton. Point? There is none, its just its my blog so I must be included in everything.

On Sunday I shall be attending the Carling Cup Final, and despite not being old enough to remember what it was like to care for the League Cup, from listening to Alan Davies and the Gang on “The Tuesday Club” it used to mean something. This of course was probably helped with the incentive of a possible place in the UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup a tournament I proposed be reformed to help the FA Cup and also the fact that one team got into the European Cup and another the UEFA Cup.

Despite some people on that other show saying they’re not bothered and some (like Matt Lucas) saying they’re embarrassed by getting to the final, I am still content and happy with this final appearance, and with wins against Chelsea and Barcelona this season, and addition of this trophy to our illustrious cabinet, is by no means embarrassing, in fact, its a massive help.

For you see, for several years now many of these first team lads are young enough to be fringe players at other clubs and even be let go to go rot in the never regions of the French first division only to come and bite their former club in the arse. However, Arsene has kept these lads (despite our pleas for them to feck off back to whence they came) and has told them “You can win trophies” oh, and look we have a trophy in our sights. This trophy is a stepping-stone, a stepping-stone for greater things. Once you know how to win one trophy, you know how to win another. Its like FIFA, once you know what formation, what tactics and players to use for Arsenal, you’re invincible.

However, despite the fact we may win everything some day, there is some bad news, captain Cesc Fabregas and playmaker Theo Walcott will play no part in the final, and emotionally, Cesc did tweet this the other night:

Now you can say he wants to go home, but his sudden desire to play for the best footballing club in the world (and who can blame him) has not calmed his passion and burning desire to captain this Arsenal side to silverware something unlikely to happen at boyhood Barcelona.

I really hope Cesc is allowed to lift the trophy as captain like Patrick Vieira did in 2003 despite being injured/suspended with whoever the captain of the day (probably Robin or Samir) is. Although, maybe a positive we can take away is perhaps Cesc’s burning passion to win trophies as Arsenal captain may warrant him staying for longer and for a long enough time where the business-mind of Arsene Wenger gets £30 million for a finishing Fabregas instead of £29 million for a reaching prime Fabregas.

Either way, bring on Sunday and come on you Gooners!

P.s. Lets win it for Cesc AND Theo.

The idiots who keep me annoyed – Arsenal Vs Stoke City preview

WARNING: IF YOU ARE A STOKE CITY FAN EASILY OFFENDED BY READING ABOUT AN INFAMOUS TACKLE BY YOUR DEFENDER RYAN SHAWCROSS AND ARE LIKELY TO COME ON MY TWITTER AND ABUSE ME, STOP READING NOW!

Its almost a year since prosperous Arsenal & Wales midfielder Aaron Ramsey had his leg broken after a malicious challenge by Stoke’s Ryan Shawcross, I remember watching it on TV after eating my tea, and turning away in disgust when I saw his foot dangling down. I said the words “Shawcross has cost us the title” – of couse, indirectly it was the game against Barcelona when Gallas, Arshavin and Fabregas were struck down injured that ultimately seemed to cost us the title. However, after what happened in 2008 with Eduardo, I wouldn’t put the tackle passed it.

There were two things I took from that day, the leadership of Sol Campbell and captain Cesc Fabregas with that huddle at the end of a emotional 3-1 win and the words after the game. When for 115 minutes plus adrenaline and emotion is pumping through your veins, seeing a horror challenge for the third time in four years to one of your most valuable future stars is very aggravating and upsetting. So, I never took the comments of it being a “disgusting” tackle to heart that much, I knew he would not go back and retract his words (which I think he did for the Eduardo one) but I did not expect it to cause a fuss, but to Tony Pulis, it did.

At first, I respected Pulis’ comments, they seemed fair, but after watching them again, seems like he was defending Ryan Shawcross more than he was sympathising with Aaron Ramsey. First of all, he never apologised on behalf of his player, yes, he said the basic “Are condolences to Aaron”, but there was never a sorry, there was no “It was a stupid challenge, it should never happen in Football, we’re sorry, Ryan’s sorry and we wish Ramsey all the best”. Take into account the Wilshere tackle from this season on Zigic, a tackle which (easily could have) didn’t break Zigic’s leg, Wenger straight away apologised and said his player deserved the sending off, to be fair, Wenger did (like Pulis) defend Wilshere (which is an instinctive move for any manager) however, Wilshere has not been reckless since, unlike Shawcross who’s been sent off twice already this year and ranks with 3 others as a player with the most number of reds (along admittedly with Arsenal’s Laurent Koscielny (who was sent off for 2 yellows for nothing fouls and bringing down a player 30-40 yards from goal as last man)).

Pulis was also quick to say Shawcross was not malicious, a player already notorious for breaking Francis Jeffer’s leg and attacking Emmanuel Adebayor off the pitch. I don’t buy into all the “Shawcross cried” crap either, he cries off the pitch then later says he wont change his style, very quick to turn on the waterworks when a player lies in hospital with the chance of never playing again, but you don’t mind doing it again.

I’m not against tackling, Wenger’s not against tackling, Arsenal are not against tackling, we are against clumsy kicks to the leg on the half-way line like your Johnny Wilkinson.

To my final point, Stoke fans trying to get #dirtyarsenal as a TT, this is why I don’t like ignorant fans, firstly, the Fair Play League (won by Arsenal several times) is down to a inconsistent refereeing, referee’s differ, some will give a team a foul, some wont, some warrant it as a yellow, others don’t, others send the player off, others don’t. Just because Arsenal have got X amount of fouls doesn’t mean a team above them have tacked more fairly, they may have got away with it. Anyone taking the Fair Play league stats all to heart needs to compare the way teams play.

Overall, I and many other Arsenal fans don’t hate Stoke, the place, the people or the club, its the ignorant fans who sound like they accept Ryan’s tackle as just a kick to the shins and because he plays for that pompous pass-happy team Arsenal he somehow had it coming. Like if you see a middle-class man get mugged in the street you don’t do anything because you believe he’s done something that warrants him getting beaten up and having to drink through straws. I’m sure (and hope) most Stoke City supporters are lovely people who actually wouldn’t mind seeing their team keep it on the deck a bit more and actually hated seeing the Shawcross tackle. Its just that minority (and I hope its a minority) that keep me thinking twice about going to do that Sports Journalism course at Staffordshire University.

The FA Cup – The epitome of Football’s Problem

A few days ago I wrote why seeding would be a major step backwards for the FA Cup and how the tradition of it supposed to be the only Cup where anyone from Arsenal to Chasetown can win it would be broken with silly new laws like it. Today, I’m going to write the ways to which you can improve the FA Cup and make it the top domestic cup competition again.

1) Bring back the UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup – I know this isn’t a ‘FA problem’ so to speak, and there’s nothing they can do to stop UEFA making tournaments defunct or merging them with other tournaments, but I do believe this would make the FA Cup a bigger priority for some mediocre Premiership Clubs who finish 8-14th ever year. UEFA and The Premier League will never warrant the 4th or 5th Champions League spot ever going to a winner of the FA Cup, its just not seen today as plausible. Unfortunately, prospects of seeing clubs like Cardiff, Portsmouth and Millwall (just to name a few recent finalists from standards below the top 4) in the overly-prestigious European Cup (however wrong it sounds) is a recipe for disaster. If it came to Portsmouth or Tottenham Hotspur in the Champions League for the following season, UEFA will be starting riots that Portsmouth (again, these are not my views, just my assumptions of UEFA) got in over Tottenham. However, UEFA will not argue if Portsmouth are in the CWC playing against other Cup winners as much because to reform that tournament now will make it 3rd rate, despite its popularity and it being put over the UEFA Cup/Europa League when it came to Super Cup.

2) DON’T schedule England friendly matches when teams are playing replays – Whoever was on the phone to the Danish FA and said “Yeah, we can put you in 9th February, don’t worry” should be hung, drawn and quartered. Surely, in BOLD letters it said “4TH ROUND REPLAYS” for that midweek? In fact, is it even 4th Round Replays? I’m so confused who’s playing which fixture. How could the FA mess up that much to schedule pointless internationals that week? Or even worse (seeing as it was an international week for internationals) why did they put the replays that week?! It baffles me how stupid they are in that place.

3) DON’T put the draw before games are played – I’m 17, I’ve loved Football properly since 2001, yet even I know more about the best traditions then the TV does. I remember running home from school in 2005 after taping the draw on a Monday Lunchtime to find out who Arsenal and Wolves had (funnily enough, they had each other). It was a tense experience, it was an experience I cherish, because it felt right, no-one had internet access through a PC or smart phone so you waited (I don’t mean don’t post the draw on the internet by the way). The only draw you had on a Sunday was after the 2nd round games were finished and they did it for the 3rd Round. I find it ridiculous that they schedule the draw before TWO games are played, where’s the fun in that, Leyton Orient yesterday could have decided to hand the game to Arsenal if they didn’t fancy a trip to United (which would be silly), you shouldn’t know your future opponents before you’ve at least played once.

4) Give the rights to the BBC and Sky – ITV made a mockery of the Premiership rights, they made a mockery and almost forced the Football League to implode when they had those rights, why did the FA ever consider their bid for the FA Cup? One thing worse, is they’ve gone to ad breaks and missed two crucial goals in an FA Cup Merseyside Derby replay and FIFA World Cup and yet the FA still like them and worse is they have the worst pundits on the box, Adrian Chiles, no-one cared for him on the BBC Match of the Day 2 program, people only liked his dull dingle voice when he was on the One Show, so ITV here’s a thought, give Des a call and keep Chiles on DayBreak with Christine Lampard where no-one can see him. I may get annoyed at Hansen’s annoying comments like “Walcott doesn’t have a football brain” or Shearer's leaching mentality but at least I can stand them and I can watch them. I also may get annoyed by Jamie Redknapp and his terrible punditry, but at least he’s not worse than Andy Townsend. Bottom line, give it to the BBC and Sky and leave ITV and ESPN to cover Volleyball with their poxy £2 tables from the Aldi at pitchside.

I think those 4 points sum up the problems and solutions fairly well, anyway, enough of FA Cup trauma’s the Carling Cup Final is Sunday (I should be there) and I shall give you a nice little report on the Monday afternoon.

One change to the FA Cup, drop some prices.

Last Sunday, the TV rights holders and the FA announced plans to change the FA Cup with several radical ideas, a 5:30 final, midweek games, no replays and seeding.

Seeding…ugh.

People like Mike Parry somehow make lots of dough talking bullocks on two national radio stations (although I assume he is paid to talk bullocks to get callers in and make money) and yet I sit here unemployed and writing stuff on the internet. He is basically saying “the best teams should play the final”, “lets seed it and rip up the glory in pieces”. This makes me mad, why? Why should the Cup be seeded? I went to the 2005 Cup Final and remember nothing, except Vieira scored the winner and we won. I probably remember more about Barnsley’s 2008 Cup run and how it could have ended in ultimate glory. Parry implies it should be about the best two clubs in England, and it should be about the TV audience saying people will “switch off” if its Portsmouth/Cardiff over Chelsea/Manchester United. I’m sorry, who remembers that Chelsea/Manchester United game from 2007 over that Liverpool/Wimbledon game or the 1976 game Manchester United/Southampton. That’s what the Cup is about, its not about your two of top 6, its about seeing the little underdog getting to a final and take on the massive giant. Like 2010 when Chelsea played relegated, administrated, 10 pounds away from death Portsmouth. I was on the edge of my seat all the way, how refreshing was it to see Portsmouth/Cardiff in 2008 over Manchester United/Chelsea. I doubt a seeded tournament would ever see great finals like 1988 or 1976, or runs like 1997 with Chesterfield, Wolves in 1998 or even Barnsley 2008.

I want to see teams like the Dons, Cardiff or Pompey getting to finals and having days at Wembley with a big chance to win trophies. It does not matter how you get there, you deserve to be there, enjoy it. Mugs like Parry saying “Its selfish to see fans like Millwall and Portsmouth dare enjoy their day out instead of TV audiences watching a good game” – No, shut up. Millwall, Portsmouth, Cardiff, whoever, should be allowed to enjoy their finals over TV audiences. Its not about how many neutrals watch a mediocre final and the figures, its about seeing Southampton stuff Man Utd from the 3rd tier. The day you seed the FA Cup, the day it loses the magic that makes us fall in love with Football.

The only change the Cup needs, is to have small ticket prices up to the Quarter Finals to get more fans in and give it the brilliant atmosphere it deserves.